When I was at high school, a part of the curriculum for year 12 and 13 students was writing a number of reflections. The primary objects of these reflections were chapel services, though it might be permissible to reflect on an inspiring talk from an assembly or some such, if that tickled your fancy more. Being the good Christian girl that I am, I stuck to the familiar ground of chapel services. It so happens that copies of all these reflections remain in my possession, and a quick reread revealed several amusing moments.
But first – what was the format of these reflections? What was their purported purpose? I suppose it was to encourage critical thinking and actually paying attention in chapel. They were of quite manageable length: about 250 words, broken into a 100-word summary of the address and a 150-word reflection upon it. Nothing about the process was difficult, and the required number across the two years was in the single digits. Somewhat cynically, I assessed the task as almost too easy to be taken seriously and proceeded to take what opportunities I could to make sharp remarks and push the boundaries of what could fairly be called relevant.
For instance, in year 13 I was privileged to give the school’s ANZAC day address. This was genuinely very exciting and something I really enjoyed doing. As a result of various COVID issues, it was recorded rather than performed live, and the recording was played to our form classes one week in lieu of an actual chapel service. Bingo, I thought quietly: I had to sit through a twelve-minute recording of myself so it’s fair game for a reflection now. I sat down at the computer and then – reflect I certainly did not. After the summary, I began the reflective paragraph with the modest words, “This was a fascinating address.” Luckily for whichever staff member had the pleasure of reading all the chapel reflections, the self-praise stopped there. Instead, what began was 200-odd words about how greatly I had enjoyed my recent watch of the HBO series Band of Brothers and The Pacific, with a particular focus on the character arc of Eugene Roe. Was it relevant? Well, I’d talked about suffering in the address itself and I talked about suffering in the reflection, so… it was tangentially relevant material. I half-expected a reply email suggesting that I had not met the criteria of the task, but no such response was ever received.
Chapel reflections also provided a space for me to ride a couple of hobbyhorses, including the hymns sung. A certain change of words from “’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear / And grace my fears relieved” to “’Twas grace that taught my heart to love / That drove out hate and fear,” came under particular attack. I loftily deemed it “frankly unhelpful,” and suggested that “Maybe the edits are intended to be non-confrontational, but the point of the Gospel is that it confronts our sins head on.” There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying that the grace of God teaches us to love – I merely rankled at the implication that the fear of the Lord was not an appropriate image to sing about. And, of course, the English nerd side of me (which was very strong at the time) was disappointed because the changed lyrics lacked the elegant parallel structure of the original. I concluded that reflection with a sigh, and reread it with a laugh: “Alas, for the new lyrics fail to convey any of this subtlety.”
The discourse on Amazing Grace was one symptom of an underlying discontent I had about chapel services: I felt that too often they strayed into the territory of inspiration and general life advice. Probably it was an unrealistic expectation that a chapel message delivered to a crowd of mostly unbelieving teenagers ought to mirror a sermon delivered to a believing congregation who all choose to attend; digs about a visiting preacher’s address being “really rooted in the text, which is not always true of chapel services,” were probably unnecessarily harsh. In one reflection, I remarked that a teacher’s selection of David and Goliath as a Bible story to illustrate the importance of choices was poor and a better story about David to use would have been his entanglement with Uriah and Bathsheba. Clearly, I had a very high opinion of my own ability to craft an argument! And indeed, it’s easy to make cutting remarks when you know the object of your criticism isn’t going to read about it. When reflecting on these reflections, I concluded that I fell a little on the ungraceful side of blunt at times. Not irredeemably so, but it is always useful to recognise one’s flaws.
In short, I found the chapel reflections a reasonably amusing exercise in clever writing. There are some witty lines in them, and I continue to find them amusing. Nonetheless, I think that 16-year-old Imogen was rolling her eyes a little too hard. I had a lifetime of practice at attentive listening and plenty of people with whom to discuss the contents of a sermon. I was good at putting a few thoughts on paper in a coherent manner. Without wanting to sound too Carrawayish, this is not the case for everyone; developing those skills of listening to, understanding, and synthesising information is a good thing. With that said, I will sign off here, before I confess of which cardinal virtue I suspect myself.